Divorce - Getting Past the Anger

It'a an unfortunate situation, but even so, divorce teaches a person many things...some about themselves.

For some people, it will take them to a place that makes them sad and bitter while some will come out of it stronger and better. People lose a lot in divorces and that's not just their personal material possessions. A person will lose a piece of himself or herself through the process of divorce. It may be a good piece or a bad piece, but, as with any surgery, it will be traumatic.

You should know that when you go through a divorce you might make a lot of personal changes. You will find your own way and become independent. You may change yourself negatively, but eventually you'll get back on track...if you want to.

You will want to overcome remaining on a negative track by allowing yourself to learn your lesson, but not hold it against yourself. You will learn so much of one type of lesson from a divorce that you may be scared to enter another relationship, but you shouldn't be this way. You should know that your friends and family still love you and want you to be happy. Your friends will encourage you, as well as support you.

One the most important lessons that you will learn from your divorce is that you are stronger than you think. It takes a lot out of a person and it will knock you down emotionally and psychologically. Going though all that you have, you will have the opportunity to become a stronger person. This will enable you to handle situations that you normally wouldn't think you could handle.

Divorce makes you stronger...if you let it.

It will also allow you to recognize the difference between words and action. Your mate might have promised to be civilized and then took everything you held dear, including your pride and self respect. This could easily make you not want to trust anyone ever again. However, you will find a spot somewhere between believing everything and distrusting everything. You will know better when someone is feeding you a line and you will be better able to tell when someone is being truly honest. Actions always speak louder than words. You may want to keep that in mind when it comes to other relationships.

You will also learn to appreciate your friends more. You know when you have a true friend because you will never be alone in your times of need. Friends will always have your back in everything that you do. You will also find that your friends can be an unending source of strength. They will encourage you to be better and they will encourage you to have goals and reach for them. Divorce will also let you know which 'friends' aren't really worth a dime. You will be able to tell the difference between an honest person and someone who will stay with you and someone who just uses your friendship every now and then.

Another important lesson that most people will learn is that anger helps heal.

There are people who say that you should hold back on your anger during times like divorce so that you don't mess up your case. But you need to get angry! You need to yell, you need to curse, you need to right your wrong in some way even if it won't help. Once you have expressed your anger, however, you can begin to heal as you learn what it takes to let it go.

You can get all your feelings out, all your hurt, and then you can learn to forgive.

Anger is the beginning of the healing process.

Another tip that you will get from divorce is that sometimes it's just better to be on your own and follow your own path, rather than just following someone else. You will be happier by being able to control your life. You will be a better person if you are able to find your own way of doing things. Your self-esteem will rise because you are an independent individual. It may be something that you never expected from yourself and more of a reason to feel a whole lot better about the situation.



Get the divorce forms and software you need for a do-it-yourself divorce.

After the Divorce - Lose the Mortgage

Even in the difficult times of a divorce proceeding, as someone with a valid claim to all joint property you have every right to think about the mortgage.

If you don't honestly think that you will be able to pay the mortgage on the home, then you should not go for the house. It's that simple.

If you want out of the mortgage however, you may have some trouble. When it comes to the house every state has a different law that pertains to community property. In fact, some states are even known as non-community property states. In these areas they believe that someone always owns everything no matter what changes occur in their marital status. It's just a matter of determining who owns what.

NOTE: In the future, you might want to think about a premarital agreement, also known as a prenuptial agreement, of some kind.

As far as the lenders are concerned, they certainly aren't going to be happy having to redo the mortgage on your home. However, even if you are smack in the middle of the divorce, the mortgage payment still needs to be paid. In point of fact, it is up to the creditor to allow you to get off the mortgage or keep you on. If your soon to be ex spouse cannot cover the loan by themselves, then you are more than likely going to have to make sure that the mortgage is paid regardless if you live there or not.

This can really mess up someone's credit!

If you want to get out of the divorce without being responsible for the mortgage, you are going to have to think about a few things. You are going to either ask your ex spouse to buy you out, or you will have to ask them to sell. Depending on the state and your circumstances, you may have to sell the house regardless. If the other person cannot find a co-signer then they may be forced to give up the home. This is one of the easiest ways to get out of a mortgage, however, divorce law varies from state to state and you may have difficulty splitting the assets 50-50.

Remember, if you place your house up for sale, you still have to pay the mortgage until the day it is signed over to a new owner. This is because you are still the legal owner of the home and the bill has to be paid by someone.

If you are worried about your credit rating you will have to do some work or investigation as part of the divorce process. You will need to know what credit cards that you two have and the balances on each. Not only do you have to worry about the liabilities that you two have racked up together during the marriage, you have to think about all the money that you have saved on account. You may end up having to repaying your spouse from the account and pay for your credit debt.

When you file for divorce you will want to close all joint accounts. Make sure that everyone knows that it was by request, not because of other circumstances. You will want them to note that so that it shows up on your credit report and has nothing to do with your credit when you go and apply for credit.

Some people will run up their bills and then make some payments late to screw the other person's credit in the divorce, but that is ridiculous. If you try to screw up their credit, your credit is going down too. So why bother playing such games when it's just going to cost you more in the end.

Also, make sure that you have a copy of your credit report so that you can keep notes of the changes in your rating. This way you can't get in trouble if your mate tries to play the credit game and starts buying things with your name and then not paying for it.

Divorce law is tricky, and your credit is important, so keep an eye on the mortgage during a divorce.

REFERENCES:
Do It Yourself Divorce Forms and Software
Prenuptial Agreements, Premarital Agreements
Debt Elimination System