Divorce and Friends

When it comes to getting a divorce, if you think it is hard to tell your spouse, it can sometimes be even harder to tell your friends and family.



If you have been thinking about divorce and it is already weighing heavy on your heart, then you really should want to tell your spouse and then your family. The timing needs to be right, of course. You shouldn't stand up and announce at Thanksgiving dinner that you would like a divorce and hope that your entire family is listening so you won't have to repeat it. You should arrange a time like luncheon to tell your closest family members. Take your mother out to dinner and tell her what you think and how you feel. If you are with someone who really cares about you, it's okay to vent.

If your reasons are valid, and if you have not been hiding your true feelings and difficulties, your family should be completely understanding. If you think a family member might not be understanding, let them hear through the grapevine.

You should speak to all with calmness in your voice. You can imagine how some of your family will react, as they may be shocked by your news, especially if they didn't know that the marriage has problems. You should never tell your family on the phone, in a letter, or on the answering machine.

If you don't think you can face someone and tell them, then don't tell them at all. Wait until you have had time to accept it yourself and when you are in a good state of mind let the shock happen to them.

Once you have told your family and friends they will probably begin to ask you questions.

It's your life. You have the right to answer questions and the right to decline. You don't have to justify anything to them. As for showing your face at family events, you may want to pull away for a couple of months because there are going to be a certain number of ignorant or insensitive people who tell you that they are sorry or make comments.

If you aren't ready for that it's okay to pull away from certain events, but not isolate yourself entirely. It will help you to face your friends and family once you have someone on your side. You may want to tell your sister, your brother, a close friend. This way you will find strength in numbers. The most people to understand your situation, the better you will feel about it

When it comes to telling the children, in the best of circumstances you should do it together. You both should remain calm and just tell the children that you would like to try it apart, but make sure that the children understand that they aren't losing a parent...or both.

Counseling from a professional has helped a lot of people deal with their failing marriage by lending some support. You should discuss some of the arrangements that you need to figure out and how you feel going through the process. Therapy could also be a help when it comes to announcing it to someone who may not understand. You may find courage and strength in the therapy.

You may feel uncomfortable announcing your split, but you need to remember that this is the time that you need to lean on someone. You need to find as much comfort as possible from friends and family. How else will you find comfort if you do not tell them? As soon as you are ready you can make a phone call and invite some friends or family over and tell them everything. Don't leave anything out, but spare them the most personal details, of course. Your friends will probably validate your feelings and will support you so do not fear their response.

Divorce is hard on everyone, but telling your friends and family should not be as hard as you think because they love you. They want you to be happy and will be there for you regardless of anything. They are your support system and should be allowed to give you the support that you need.

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